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[quote=Anonymous]My DH wants to be a helicopter parent, and it’s a manifestation of their anxiety (DH has ADHD and anxiety).

I just have to shut down DH when he starts doing it. He knows why I do it - we have a gently reminder phrase and then I get more direct.

It hasn’t hurt our marriage because DH accepts that most of his helicoptering is because of his anxiety. Sometimes we have a real difference (not anxiety) and I remind him that DC needs to learn by making mistakes.

At some point (especially with school stuff) DH has just stepped away from learning about it directly. He doesn’t look at grade or report cards or check homework because he couldn’t without helicoptering. I “supervise”(?) those for DC and just let him know if there is anything we should talk to DC about.

If your DH thinks the helicoptering is good/helpful, perhaps a marriage counselor or family therapist would be helpful.

For DH, his mother was a helicopter parent and while he hated it, he associated it with caring/love/support, so it’s hard to stop. But his mother still does it (as an adult!) and he really hates it now, so he doesn’t want to be that parent. [/quote]

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