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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Called mom for her birthday. I’ve felt bad that I’ve been avoiding her because she makes me feel so incredibly uncomfortable. On the call she described that she needs a hip replacement but the surgery is too risky because of her advanced age. She will have to wear an immobilizing brace and maybe she should just give up. Geeze I’m feeling so very bad for her. Then she asks me about my kids. I know from past experience not to offer up details because she’ll use them against us.

She then goes on to sweetly provide an update on Grandkid 1 the gay, Grandkid 2 the mental inpatient and Grandkid 3 who has out of control manic spending. She’s worried about them. For Grandkid 4, she warned her not to be a party girl in college like me. I was not a partier and in fact was president of my class and went on to a top grad school. I’m close to my niece (Grandkid 3) and I know from close experience that she is an accomplished college grad who is in fact very responsible with money and her life. Same with Grandkids 1 and 2, they are lovely. My siblings know the things mom says are ridiculous but she’s very sweet and they just cater to her whims.  Then mom says, happily, my sibling is taking her on a trip! That’s great, but I thought you just said you are immobile and this might be the end?

I have built a nice life for myself, husband and kids. I would really love for my kids to see more of their grandmother, but I don’t think anything good can come from this. My kids are wonderful and also happen to have medical things my mom could pick on.[b] My siblings don’t understand why I’m estranged from our mom, and I don’t understand why they continue to cater to her when she speaks ill of their kids and parenting.[/b] How do others successfully navigate a situation like this?[/quote]

This is the real issue. Not your mom.  Give examples of why it's an issue for your siblings though.  Let them do what they're going to do.  You do what you're going to do.  Show up to group functions and be polite and normal and grey rock your mom.[/quote]

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