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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The past history is one thing, the current situation is another. Many adults find it well-nigh impossible to care for an elder, even if they had an idyllic relationship with them before, OP. Instead of blaming everything on the parental dynamics, focus on how to discharge yourself from caregiving duties.

Also, age is making your father worse than he was before. Confused people in cognitive decline tend to get caught up in weird beliefs and have reduced emotional control. He wasn't always like this. Now he is. Accept it. You will change too, for the worse. A lot of stuff you complain about regarding your parents will happen to YOU. Do you want your children to write what you just wrote?

So approach this from a practical perspective and forbear from judging, instead of torturing yourself with resentment.

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Me again. I'm giving you tough love, because I have a similar situation. My mother was verbally abusive and hyper-controlling, and my father just let her do whatever she wanted. I escaped at 22, across the Atlantic. I cut them off for a while, but we have since reconnected. Now the tables are reversed - my mother in her old age has mellowed, and my father is in cognitive decline and has developed anger issues. They're both unreasonable and seem incapable of acting in their best interests, which is quite common in the elderly.

I am aware that I, too, will grow old and be very imperfect. So I am focused on caring for the physical ailments of my parents, as much as I can while keeping my health and sanity, without letting the past intrude on our current relationship. They are who they are. And ultimately, I have accepted that this is OK.

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