Reply to Do you ever stop being the black sheep

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm the family scapegoat and was always viewed as the problematic person in the family, despite not ever being an actual problem. I always got good grades, had a job, married a nice guy, have two wonderful kids, and have a great career and friends.

I distanced myself from my family for several years starting when I left for college to get away from the negative dynamic.  After we had some space, I then tried for about 15 years to be "perfect" and rebuild a relationship as an adult instead of a child.  Sometimes things were fine, but if someone was bored or upset, I was always blamed as the problem.  I was also never an equal, but someone they humored.

There was an incident a few years ago where it became clear that I would never move past being blamed and viewed as a problematic person.  That's how they've cast me in my role in the family.   So now we don't have a relationship (except with one sister who agrees the whole dynamic is f*d up).

It drives me a bit nuts that this choice to put up a boundary reinforces their view that I'm the problem, but whatever.  I can't handle being treated poorly and being expected to take it because that's what I deserve any longer.[/quote]

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