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[quote=Anonymous]I am the only surviving nonaddict in my family of origin (or 1st cousins). I have two siblings, both addicts, one of whom is desperately ill and caught in an endless cycle of alcoholism and rehab stays that has gone on for more than a decade now.

There is nothing I can do for her that I haven't already tried. I have had to pull WAY back from any and all contact to protect myself and my family (two young kids) from the chaos, stress, anguish, volatility, etc...

It is heartbreaking. There is nothing I wish for more than for her return to health and sanity and a time when we could rebuild a relationship. But that isn't now, and I cannot be a resource for her when she is actively drinking and in chaos.

But she keeps desperately pleading for me to be in touch. Repeated calls, tons of tears and heartbreaking outreach, messages about dire things that are happening for which she needs advice/support etc... I know from a decade plus of experience that these are just attempts to pull me in, and that often the things she alleges are happening aren't actually happening, or that her alleged sobriety isn't actually real. I can tell almost instantly from her voice and the level of maudlin speech, that she is actively drunk - even at 9 am on a weekday.

And still it pulls at me. I hate not responding. I would hate being drawn in to her anguish - the impact of it on me is immediately felt and very negative.

I have a therapist, I have connections w/ ACOA that are helpful, I have a strong marriage/good career/happy life and - as I said - a lifetime of experience in knowing that one cannot save people you love sheerly by loving them. But I am the oldest child, the one who was always positioned to take care of/be responsible for everyone else, so I still struggle w/ maintaining my boundaries even so.

The whole thing is just so terribly sad. I guess I don't really have a question, maybe just needed to write this all out somewhere as a way of thinking it through.

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