Reply to How to deal with a parent who is losing will to fight to live

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[quote=Anonymous]Surgery and recovery is difficult physically and emotionally— especially for someone who doesn’t feel as though they have things to look forward to.  So one thing to do is genuinely empathize with the difficulties of what your parent is going through — and see what things can be made better. It’s hard to be vulnerable, uncomfortable, and dependent. Listening, bringing in familiar foods and fragrances, music, reminders of things they used to enjoy might help. It seems small, but having your own soap and lotion vs hospital stuff can be a mood lifter.

Depression is not uncommon following surgery, so an assessment of that might be in order, along with talking with your parent about what matters most to them, so that you can perhaps provide resources and experiences that they genuinely value.  Help them find small things to look forward to. I’m not clear how you’re sure you know your parent’s “true desires”.  It does make me feel that you might benefit from some support as well.

It’s hard to make suggestions about the medical staff being “annoyed” — without more info. If this is true. I’ll add, too, that I highly recommend the National Rehabilitation Hospital, so if your parent qualifies for one of their programs, that could be an option as part of their hospital discharge plan.  Knowing that their situation can get better — having realistic hope of genuine recovery— could be a key part of regaining a willingness to continue with an arduous process.  You might also want to meet with a hospital social worker and a hospital chaplain— to get their support and guidance with a situation that they are likely to be familiar with.

Wishing you and your parent the best during this difficult time.

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