Reply to Fixation on saying they’re a good person- why?

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[quote=Anonymous]DH and I have had big struggles and arguments lately. He has been having what I guess is some kind of midlife crisis. Dropping the ball on kid and household stuff, lying, and being a real jerk when he’s caught or called out on any of this.

The wild thing to me is that I’ll be talking to him and say something like, hey, when you didn’t pick up DS from practice like you said you would, it put me in a real bind going out of my way to get him before the place closed and I wish you would have given me warning. Instead of just apologizing like a normal person, he’ll get really defensive but then perseverate and keep saying “I’m a good person! I’m not a bad person!”. I reply that this isn’t about being a good or bad person but about showing up to drive a kid when you said you would, and he continues to say “stop saying I’m not a good person! I know I’m a good person!”

This is an impossible dynamic that I need to get out of but in the meantime, wtf? I feel like good people don’t announce they’re good, but are actually their own biggest critics and are constantly trying to do better.

Someone who needs people to tell him he’s good and who announces he’s good rings alarm bells for me.

(If it helps, we are from the same religious tradition and denomination, so this isn’t a philosophy, perspective or semantics thing that could be explained by that)[/quote]

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