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[quote=Anonymous]My dad is a narcissist. He is not capable of thinking about or considering anyone else's experiences. I'm not just talking about feelings, but more broad. Like he just is not able to even imagine or think about how other people are having a life, doing things, experiencing things, just like he is. He experiences everything only through his own experience, and he thinks everyone else is also focused on his experience. So it's like he's in movie where he is the main character, but also he assumes everyone else is watching the same movie as him.

He's not always a jerk (though definitely he can be). In fact he can be very charming and engaging. If you aren't related to him or working for him, he's actually pretty easy to deal with -- he just wants to monologue and be the center of attention, and if he gets that, he's affable, even easy going.

But he has no ability to deal with conflict (because in his mind, conflict cannot exist -- if only one person matters, what could you possibly be in conflict about?). He overreacts to any adversity because, again, if everyone is focused on his happiness and experiences, why should there ever be roadblocks.

As a kid, this meant that significant portions of my life were totally invisible to him -- my hobbies,my friends, my goals. He cared about my grades and Amy external markers of my success, because those reflected well in him. But that's it. He would talk to me or hang out with me, but only if we discussed his work, his interests, or did something he enjoys. Otherwise I was invisible or a distraction.

I have struggled a lot as an adult with feeling like I matter or can be important I'm any setting (work, socially, as a customer or student, anywhere). I also find I'm drawn to narcissists because I'm good at fulfilling their preferred dynamic. However in my 30s I finally became truly self aware of this issue and now I can recognize narcissism in others and have learned to steer clear or at least avoid the dynamic of seeing their narcissism. Becoming a parent has helped me better understand these patterns and break them.

Therapy helps, but nothing has been more useful to me than the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. It's not about narcissism per se, which I find helpful. It's more pragmatically about dissecting this dynamic and giving you practical tools for dealing with it.[/quote]

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