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[quote=Anonymous]OP you’ve posted this before and the advice will be the same. Get therapy and look into medication to manage your anxiety.

1. How to get out of agreeing to watch the grandchildren. Tell them as soon as possible. Make up a lie about cardiac procedures. They may be angry and frustrated as they will need to find childcare while the kid is recovering but if you give enough notice that’s their problem. If you are giving no notice..ie it’s next week, then I would consider staying in a hotel, watching the kids, shopping and feeding only the kids, picking up only with the kids and having a firm rule that if anyone raises their voice at you, you walk away and leave. This also means that you do not raise your voice, throw fits and tantrums either.

2. Let go of your resentment that they don’t host you or host you as you expect, Get over that they don’t make you meals that you expect. Get over that they don’t invite you when you want to be invited or how frequently. Accept that you don’t have the relationship you envision or feel entitled for them to provide, it isn’t happening unless a lot changes occur and may never change.

3. Realize that you are trying to set up a quid pro quo of offering childcare and all these household tasks in exchange for being hosted or having a relationship that is different. This seldom works. Adults need to build relationships out of choice not obligation, trickery, or exchange.

4.Realize that it’s often difficult for others to be around high anxiety people. Your post alone is dripping with overly dramatic, frantic and anxiety laced statements. You need to treat your anxiety as a first step.

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