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[quote=Anonymous]Your husband doesn't understand what permissive parenting is.

What you are doing would be considered "permissive parenting" with a 10 year old, because a 10 year old NEEDS to build skills and be independent. If you were constantly engaging and entertaining a 10 year old and attending to his every need (taking him to the bathroom, feeding him, etc.) it would be permissive because you would be allowing a child who should be much more independent to rely on you for things he can and should do himself. When you give into a demand from a child even though it is more developmentally appropriate for you to set boundaries, that's permissive.

With a 10 month old, it's the reverse because 10 month olds cannot do anything on their own yet. They can't walk, talk, use the bathroom, or feed themselves (sure they can shove some food in their mouths with like 50% accuracy, but they can't go to the pantry and get a snack for themselves). They can't put themselves to bed or even know that they are tired. They have no self awareness.

So with a 10 month old, being attentive to their needs is not "permissive" -- it's exactly what the 10 month old needs. They do not need much independence at all, perhaps a little around things like falling asleep on their own and learning to play independently while a caregiver is nearby. They should be encouraged to explore their environment on their own but with close supervision, and you need to let them develop gross and fine motor skills independently (let her try to open a container of food on her own if you're outside, let her pull herself up on a table, etc.). But a 10 month old should basically never be left entirely to her own devices and if you do that, THAT would be permissive.

I would suggest your husband read a book or some websites about child development and read about what it is normal for a child to be able to do on their own at each stage. In particular, have him read about attention spans and how long a typical child at each age can entertain themselves. [/quote]

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