Reply to I told husband I might want a divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

I sat him down today and told him this is not how I want marriage to go and will strongly consider whether I want to stay in this marriage.[/quote]

You're the AH, OP. Yes, you're postpartum and a 5-week old kid is making you both crazy. But here's the key: you don't threaten divorce. You don't.

If/when you're going to divorce, you quietly and discretely get your ish together, including at least two consultations with different divorce attorneys (more if you have significant assets, property, or other complicated circumstances), and you make a plan. And then you execute.

That crap you pulled is emotional manipulation, and it's NOT conducive to a healthy relationship. "Hey honey. I know we're both totally exhausted, and that this phase isn't permanent. Thing is, I'm really struggling with ______ (specific thing you want help with), and it would be really helpful to me if you would ________ (specific directive, as simplified as possible)."

PP's point about outsourcing what you can afford, especially during the first year, is spot on. You can't put all the responsibilities on just the parents. You'll break. Call in family, call in friends, call in paid assistance... But always remember that you and your spouse are on the same team, until one or both of you actually quit. Don't talk about it if you're not gonna do it, and you'd be ridiculous to divorce over petty frustrations like what you're currently going through. Your "game plan" is going to need to evolved multiple times before your kid is 2, and it'll keep changing until they're fully-fledged. Let go of the small stuff, outsource what you can, roll with the punches and cut yourself and your spouse some slack. [/quote]

Yes and no. I remember very clearly when I realized that if my exDH did not change, I was going to lose all feeling and will to keep the relationship together.  I told him. I don’t think that was manipulating him - it was honestly staying where I was emotionally. He did not listen and by the time he realized I was serious it was too late for him.

OP is probably not in a mental state to be able to understand what is actually going on with herself emotionally fully. But she is not wrong to communicate truthfully to her DH what a big deal this is to her.

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