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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't wish this on you, but personality changes can be indicative of cognitive decline. Especially since she is 80, and dementia/Alzheimer's risk goes up as you age.

I had a relative that became self centered, belligerent, not capable of empathy, paranoid about money, and kind of a hoarder. These were early signs that frankly we all missed. We had thought early signs would be becoming more forgetful, but that isn't always true.

What your describing goes beyond her like/dislike of the boyfriend, so I feel like there could be more going on. Especially when you talk about the lack of cleanliness, being uncomfortable around strangers of any kind, etc.

I doubt she would agree to a cognitive test so I wouldn't even bring it up. Start with your father and have an honest (private) conversation about where your mother is at and how you can help him. It may be time to make decisions for her not with her. If she isn't able to see that she can't maintain a hygienic environment the time might be now.

Given that she is 80, it is time to make sure all legal documents and everything you need to step in are in order. Do you have the legal documents necessary to be able to take care of them in case something should happen that is recognized in their country? In other words, wills and medical/financial powers of attorney. That's where I would focus. Keep in mind that while legal documents prepared in the US should be recognized everywhere, that isn't always the case. Make sure you can manage their assets and health from anywhere in the world -- you may need two sets of documents to use in the US and then one to use in Europe. Also, selling property overseas can be extremely complicated -- you may want to start understanding the implications now.

If your mom is worried that your BF will take all the money they are leaving you, they can also draft their will in such that it protects you or earmarks funds to go directly to your daughter -- in case that gets the ball rolling. [/quote]

I have a trust, will, power of attorney, medical directive for myself and my assets are totally protected.  I'm generous, but I would not let someone use me.  My Mom often tells me that she will not put her money or home in our names (my siblings and I) because she wants to use it for herself if needed (nursing home care etc.).  This is completely fine with me and I do not expect or even want an inheritance.  I told her that on many occasions.  She refuses to fill out any paperwork that would allow us to manage their assets.

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