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[quote=Anonymous]I have lived in the U.S. for about 20 years and my immediate family (parents, sister and two brothers) live overseas.  I visit them twice a year for 2-3 weeks each time with my daughter (17).  They do not visit here.  My husband died 5 years ago.  It was a sudden and unexpected death that had a huge impact on me and my daughter.  We survived and really bonded during this time and little by little we put our lives back together.  I found a new career that supported us both and she is getting ready to go to college now.  She is a good student, athlete and thrives in extra-curricular activities.  About a little over a year ago, I started dating someone.  We took it slow and our relationship grew.  My daughter adores him and she met his children and we have slowly been growing together as a couple and sort of a blended family.  His kids are a bit older, but everyone gets along and he has a decent relationship with his ex-wife.  This summer, I took him to meet my family and to my surprise, it was not a good visit.  He got along fine with my father and my siblings, but my Mom rejected the relationship saying that bringing him there made the visit more difficult and she wasn't able to spend as much time with me.  I took her out shopping, ice cream, dinners and I also took the entire family out.  She is limited in her conversation because she is mostly at home and it mainly centers around gossip about neighbors and friends.  I spend five days with my parents exclusively before my boyfriend arrived for another week.  She told me to not bring anyone around anymore when visiting in the future.  I also noticed that the home was no longer in the same condition that it was in the past.  There is a lot of clutter and they now have two cats and there is a strong smell of cat urine.  I tried to clean during those five days and explain that it is very important to put away wet cat food (so that flies don't infest the feeding area) and to clean the litter box frequently.  My mother took this as criticism of her housekeeping skills.  She has had cleaning ladies, but they never last because she is so critical.  I communicate with her daily and I try to always share things with her including lots of pictures yet she never liked any of them that show me with my current boyfriend.  She often complains that I will not be able to take care of her when she gets much older and that she would have preferred me moving back to help her.  She is 80 now.  I also suggested assisted living or 55+ communities, but both of my parents said that they will never move away from their home.  Unfortunately, it isn't as easy because I have a career here and I'm not eligible for retirement benefits yet and my daughter needs me to support her through college.  My father usually keeps quiet through all of this.  I'm really at a loss.  I feel like a terrible daughter because I allowed myself to fall in love again and to try to create a new life and family for myself.  Perhaps, it isn't meant for me.  Living through my late husband's death was really really hard and my parents were not able to support me or visit me during this time. I have some very good friends though who helped me during those years and everyone is thrilled that I found at least a bit of happiness again.  But I have a difficult time allowing myself to feel this because I also feel that I should take care of my parents.  [/quote]

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