Reply to 3 year old refuses to poop on the toilet

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[quote=Anonymous]When he was constipated at 15-18 months, he learned that when he eventually poops, it HURTS!  So he's learned to hold it in until he can't any longer.... and he's constipated. And now toilet training has added extra stress and has him back to doing it. 
And, YES, infants and toddlers CAN learn to hold it in, I've seen it in children as young as 10 months.

Miralax (just a small amount, like 1/8 tsp in his morning or a water bottle that he drinks - have this be the only liquid he's drinking, not juice, milk, etc.)  Start slowly or you'll have diarrhea for days and that isn't controllable. You can always increase from 1/8, but their bodies are small, they don't need much.

I'd take him to a specialist to make SURE he doesn't have a fecal mass (think poop ball) that poop is managing to go around.  I'm hoping it's not true, but it might be.  If he has diarrhea or really soft poops (instead of nicely formed, normal, not too hard balls) then it means his poop is squeezing around the fecal mass.  And he needs a specialist who will supervise a cleanout (more than miralax in water)

If you want, while you are going through all of this, you could certainly train him for pee - just tell him that he should poop in his diapers, but can you keep your diaper dry and pee in the potty? Let's try!  (he might pee a little when he poops, that's normal, we all do it, but the multiple pees throughout the day he can take his diaper off and put it right back on. ) But keep the diaper on so he doesn't worry about having accidents in underwear and continuing the withholding.

If that works, great - otherwise, just go back to diapers for everything until you/he gets the constipation under control.

Once he gets to pooping daily (in diapers) even if it's with Miralax, then you can move him to underpants BUT you tell him, when you need to poop, tell us and we'll put a diaper on.  Then leave it on until he poops (some kids need to move around a bit, others can poop fairly immediately.) Once he's pooped, praise him for that (because you are the point that pooping anywhere is the goal and better than constipation) then clean him up take off the diaper off (for ease, keep the underpants on over the diaper so you can just take off the diaper, clean him and the underpants are still there, easy peasy)

When he's gotten into the routine of asking for a diaper, not being constipated (you may need to keep the miralax going for this period of time) THEN you can start the transfer from diaper to potty.  That might take a few months.

THEN, You tell him you are going to start helping him to learn to poop on the potty like the other kids do, but we'll do it slowly, and at his rate.

The routine: he asks for a diaper but this time he must stay IN THE bathroom to use it, he can jump, twist, stand, squat, doesn't matter, and you don't need to stay there (some kids like to have you there to sing songs or read books and be a support, others want "privacy" because it's stressful to try to poop when someone is sitting and staring at you!).

Then when that's easy, (might take a few days or weeks for him to poop fairly quickly - he shouldn't need to be in the bathroom for tool long) the next step is he sits ON the toilet while wearing the diaper to poop. This might take the longest to get comfortable with if he's been a "standing pooper" in his diaper, but he'll get it eventually.  (make sure you have a high enough stool that his feet are planted firmly on it so he can push or balance and not feel like he will fall in - remember, they are small children and could fall in, which is scary for a child. I'd change out my toilet seat for one that has sa child-sized toilet seat (see link at very bottom of this post)

When sitting on the toilet with a diaper on (this part might last days or weeks until he's really comfortable sitting to poop) is easy, the next step is that he learns to use the potty without a diaper.  He might just take it off and be good, but if not, you can cut a hole in the bottom of his diapers so that when he poops while sitting the poop falls away from his body, which is a weird sensation for children who have been in diapers.  Gradually the hole gets bigger and then you keep doing that for a bit and then one day, no diapers!

Don't take the Miralax away until you get through all of this or he'll go backwards - he's developed a great system for never pooping and he'll use it becuase he's a little guy who doesn't know any better, plus it HURTS when you poop, so why do it?

Also, do start getting him into good habits (without telling him what you are doing) as in lots of water throughout the day (if he's a milk drinker 24/7 then get him onto water), and perhaps as you decrease the miralax in the future you add prune juice to water once/day and getting him to lots of fiber, etc. But just doing that now isn't going to cut it.

https://www.toiletseats.com/p/mayfair-nextstep2-childadult-elongated-toilet-seat-in-white-with-sta-tite-seat-fastening-system-easyclean-whisperclose-and-precision-seat-fit-adjustable-hinge/?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22716454752&gbraid=0AAAAAD9LH7USHR5I_TXBj_ud0r0y0fdoe&gclid=CjwKCAjwyb3DBhBlEiwAqZLe5KzI5ABBmgacDgZhjBlvrkOvUW09_R9ARrWEb5O8o_0FpOS8v6MntRoC0eUQAvD_BwE
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