Reply to Dd having a hard time at my parents’

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My parents are generally kind people but growing up I often felt a dismissive attitude, like I had to be a certain way to accommodate and please everyone or else I was meant to feel annoying and bad.

Ds and dd both went to them for a week (abroad as part of a big trip, firs trip there without us in years), now ds is with friends elsewhere. He had a great time at my parents’. And now dd is spending more time there alone this summer and she is having the same exact experience I had growing up. My dad is especially bad around strangers and will put dd down to please them or to apologize for what he perceives as rude (like dd politely refusing to try a spread at a store), agreeing dd has a big accent when she speaks. I’m upset. I feel bad about her having this bad experience and it’s bringing back bad memories of my own teen years. My brother could do no wrong, now ds can do no wrong.[/quote]

Refusing to try something is rude, I would apologize for that behavior as well. Teach your child some manners. If she has an accent there’s nothing wrong with saying so. I don’t understand your issue. [/quote]

If she has an accent, agreeing with someone else’s comment about is is just acknowledging a fact.  While in America, refusing a sample at an impersonal store like Trader Joe’s or Costco would never be a problem, I can understand that in other countries, especially if it was a smaller store offering more personal service, refusing an offered sample might be considered rude.

I’m not sure why you’re saying this shows favoritism towards your son, when your son isn’t there.  Are you sure that if someone had criticized his accent that your father wouldn’t have agreed that he had an accent, as well?  If your son had been in the store and also refused the same spread, do you think your father would have only apologized for your daughter, instead of both children?

It’s obviously difficult to accurately evaluate a situation taking place in an unknown country based on two paragraphs, but it sounds like you may not be viewing this situation objectively, but transferring your feelings from childhood onto this situation.  Moreover, if your father really is that sexist, why did you arrange for your daughter to be spending extra time with your parents?  That creates an unequal foundation from the start.  There are different expectations for someone paying a brief visit, versus someone who is there for an extended stay.  [/quote]

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