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Kids With Special Needs and Disabilities
Reply to "Has anyone solved the escalating meltdown problem (teen AudHD)? Need hope/advice. "
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I hate to be the B here, but do you make her clean up when she destroys things? I don’t doubt that it’s all real. But I wonder sometimes if parents don’t allow their kids ANY consequences for this type of behavior then they don’t ever have to think twice about it. Having to clean up by herself, having to pay for damages…there has to be some reason for her to stop. These types of behaviors didn’t happen as frequently when we were kids. I’ve talked with a lot of parents—special needs and NT and the frequency of this destructive behavior was just not something that happened. I think it’s because parents are more validating and understanding of feelings now, which can be amazing in some ways, but can also allow behaviors to continue that really shouldn’t. I do think that these kids can learn to gain control during these times, but they need to have a reason to do so. I hope you find some solutions that work for your dd and your family. I think the parenting coach is on the right track. Do they talk about intermittent reinforcement? That concept can derail any efforts you try if on occasion you give in. For example if you text back sometimes and not other times you are reinforcing the fact that your response is random and your dd will push and push more to find out when that time will be. Maybe she can’t reach you during 9-12 and 1-5pm if you don’t respond then she won’t perseverate to find out how far she can push you to respond. I know this is tricky because you want to be there in case of emergency, but if your dh is home then maybe that can be her point person. GL, I know this is incredibly hard. [/quote] Thanks - I don’t think you’re being a “B”. We haven’t made her clean up as consistently as we should so I will add that to the plan. When we have asked her to do this, she does it. She has no way to pay for damage though - she has not job and doesn’t get allowance or anything like that. She is getting a summer job this summer for the first time though, so I’ll tell her that she’ll need to pay for things she breaks moving forward. During the meltdown yesterday she threw my Kindle somewhere and I couldn’t find it. Before we went out to dinner last night I said “I need you to find my Kindle before we get home. It’s important to me.” When I got home, it as on my bed. When I went into her room to ask if she found it and where, she hid under her covers and wouldn’t answer. This is what kills me. She obviously knows this is unacceptable and is ashamed of it.[/quote]
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