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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP. That may be true, but OP is saying that they can no longer live in their own, and there they cannot afford to AL for both of them. She may not have a choice.

There are less expensive ALs - called group homes - you can call a placement agency like “Owl Be There” and see what your parents’ budget can afford. They could also help you find a caregiver agency.

But if you have to split them up, which parent would go to AL - your mom with the physical limitations or your dad with the cognitive issues? Is he functionally independent and mobile? Would he need a locked unit? What daily activities does your mom need help with? If sge is cognitively intact, what is she saying she wants to do?

I’m so sorry, OP. This sounds like a very difficult situation, and all too common. [/quote]

OP here. Thank you. I really don’t know what to do. Dad is functionally independent and in pretty good physical health, but mental capacity is not there. However, he is very clear that he does not want to leave their house. My mother is at the point where she needs to be in assisted-living. He does not cook or clean and never has, and she is at the point where she cannot physically do these things anymore. Their house is literal squalor from not having been maintained. [b]I wish now that I had [size=18]insisted on stepping in on that earlier,[/size] but I didn’t know it would end up like this.[/b] I really don’t think I could leave my father in the house alone, but not sure what else I can do. [/quote]

I don't think you could have stepped in on that earlier.  As parents age physically, they also age cognitivally and emotionally.  Do you think they would have listened to you?  No.

We all should make these decisions between 60-65 yr of age and start decluttering our lives so that we can be minimalists and stay for longer in our homes.  Our adult children should not have to discuss this with us.   Also, sell your home and buy a bigger home with your kids, so that you all can live together and have your own space too.  If all the generations pool their resources together in a shared household, then you can afford to outsource cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping as well as someone driving your parents to medical appointments.  [/quote]

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