Reply to What happened when you stopped being so nice?

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[quote=Anonymous]I am not going to lie to you.

If you are a lifelong people pleaser, then stopping is going to piss off some of the people in your life. I lost friendships when I decided to stop just people pleasing and start standing up for myself. I had longtime friends and family members accuse me of being selfish, entitled, and "drama seeking" for engaging in behaviors they had always engaged in (prioritizing myself over others). It was hard.

But I also had friends and family who supported me in making that change, who cheered for me in speaking up, saying no, and drawing boundaries, because they knew how much I'd given up in spending so much of my life accommodating other people (and, it must be said, largely accommodating people who had no problem using my people pleasing to their own benefit). These folks are still in my life and our relationships are better than ever because I've learned to assert myself and take care of myself and it makes those relationships more functional.

Also, it takes time to learn how to stand up for yourself. It's easier for me now to set boundaries in a polite but firm way. Early on, I would vacillate between being too harsh or not being firm enough, and that could be frustrating for others. But it's part of the process. Like any skill, it takes practice and your first attempts may be clumsy. The people who prefer you to accommodate all their wants at your own expense will use these clumsy attempts against you. Power on. [/quote]

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