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[quote=Anonymous]My mom, who normally lives about 6 hours away, just found a house to rent right on our street. She has COPD and it's very mild, she walks 2 miles a day and doesn't get short of breath, but she's convinced due to her health anxiety and Dr. Google that she has only 5 years left to live and wants to spend her "last good years" near us. I can't convince her that she can live well for many years with mild COPD (she's only 70 and otherwise in very good shape). My dad doesn't want to move, so my mom is planning to split her time between houses, but live near us most of the time. (My parents have a great marriage - she's not trying to escape, they're just very independent from each other and always have been, it works for them.)

For context, my mom has had anxiety her whole life. We have a close relationship and she's very good-hearted but she's not the easiest person to be around. She has a lot of health anxiety (about herself, me and my kids), she's quite negative (for example, always assumes the worst in any situation - like assuming everyone is trying to rip her off), she's very nosy and can be judgmental. It makes our house more stressful when she's here. My husband and I never snip at each other except for when my mom's visiting... not about anything specific, she just raises the general stress level of the house.

Up until now we've visited each other often, usually a week at a time, every month and a half or so. But I'm her only child and since the grandkids have been born it's clear she wants to be around more. (For ex, when we found out we were pregnant with our first, we were living in a 1-bd apt and quickly found a 2 bdrm instead. I thought the reason we needed a 2 bdrm was obvious until we mentioned the nursery and my mom was confused bc she assumed the 2nd room was for her.)

We're the only people my mom knows here, except for my in-laws, and I know she's expecting to be at our house every day and have dinner with us nightly. I thought we had years left before we had to make this life change, as she's fairly young and still in mostly good shape health-wise. She's leaving my dad alone and I'm concerned about him getting lonely, she's leaving her life with her friends, interests and hobbies. I'm worried for my own sanity and my marriage, as I know we're going to be more stressed out with her here. I have no idea how to communicate any of this to her without her being very hurt and causing a rift in the relationship. How do I express any of this to her? [/quote]

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