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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I feel for you. Cape Cod has some decent elder care resources. Start at the state level and see if you can find some local agencies to help:
[url]http://www.mcoaonline.com/[/url][url]http://www.mass.gov/elders/[/url]

There are some free and low-cost resources, at least in terms of counseling, support, and assistance. Some communities have free senior buses and free senior activities and/or centers. My dad has mild dementia which has been diagnosed as related to causes that are not Alzheimers. He lives part-time on CC and part time in central Mass. Through the local elderly council, we found a wonderful person to drive and assist him when he is on the Cape, and if your inlaws are anywhere near Orleans, I can try to get the contact details.

But that is really just a short-term solution. We really wanted to find one place where my dad could go and stay no matter what happens - he is still at a point where he can live independently but only just barely. This is called continuing care retirement communities (CCRC) and surprisingly there are not too many in MA (there seemed to be more around the DC area, but some were affiliated with the Sunrise company mentioned by the PP, so I was interested to see that post!) We looked at facilities in Hingham, Norwood, and one or two others in Central Mass. There were a few others around the area that we didn't investigate too closely because they weren't close enough to my siblings who are local: I recall one in Jamaica Plain and Chelsea. Many of these have memory care units, as do many facilities that are more narrowly focused on either assisted living or skilled nursing care. I don't recall finding any of this stuff on the Cape. The nicest amongst these would be a great place for a couple with different needs, but they are PRICEY. My dad is also depression-era and he hates spending money that he hoped to leave to his kids, but luckily he has sort of come to understand that it's unavoidable.

Fwiw, I saw this as a kid as one grandmother had Alzheimers and another developed dementia late in life. Each lived with us for a year or more until it got to be too much. The emotional toll and physical demands are excruciating for all involved. Please find help for your inlaws and persuade them to utilize it. Use the resources of the elder organizations that are local to them AND those that are local to you (they may not be able to provide assistance but they can offer guidance.) Google memory care, CCRC, etc. We were lucky in the sense that we pushed for an assessment that resulted, unexpectly, in the revocation of my dad's license - we were shocked but it was a godsend in retrospect because it forced us to plan for the future. You may have to be that forcing mechanism for your inlaws. Good luck![/quote]

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