Reply to How have you maintained close friendships with friends struggling with infertility/loss?

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[quote=Anonymous]I've been there on both sides of the fence and it isn't easy on either side.  Send a note, call, email, etc.  Make a point of seeing your friends without your kids  And send a holiday card that does not have your kids' pictures on it, even if it means that you buy a separate card for them.  This is a very difficult time of year for people going through infertility and it is really hard for most people to be inundated daily with pictures of cute smiling kids, even knowing that some of those children were also hard to conceive.

And, when you get together, don't look at it as an opportunity to console, but rather as a time to do something you never get to do -- focus on you and your friend and not your kids.  By that I mean don't talk about your kids, talk about your other interests.  I have to admit, some of the best nights out I have had in the past year have been with a childless couple (not by choice).  At the outset, I was trying really hard not to talk about our kids, but then we just started having non-kid-related conversations, like the kind that we had before we had kids.  These dinners have been great for me too in terms of bringing back the non-mom side of me.  It made me remember that I have interests outside of my kids and that I actually used to be interesting.

All this is to say, reach out to your friend to grab coffee.  Talk about the weather (it's really nice out), talk about a book, and your friendship will weather the storm.  And, be patient.  If your friends say no, invite them again in a few months.  But be there for them when they reach out to you.[/quote]

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