Reply to H’s ADHD can’t be fixed. Now what?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "H’s ADHD can’t be fixed. Now what?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]H has severe ADHD.[/quote]

According to whom? When was he diagnosed?

[quote=Anonymous]We’ve tried therapy, we’ve tried medication. None of it works, or with the meds, it works for a bit but wears off, so we have to increase the dose to the point where the side effects are worse than the ADHD itself. H is extremely distraught and upset, and developing an ulcer from the stress. He’s also entered a severe depression where he basically lies in bed most of the time.[/quote]

Do not enable this behavior. Your junkie husband seems to be playing you. He's taking stimulant meds for the high, and when the high normalizes, he's upping his dose. When that gets unmanageable, he's changing meds. That's not about the "ADHD", that's about the speed. You're gonna think I'm being mean until I tell you I know from experience. The "severe depression" is guilt and withdrawals.

[quote=Anonymous]I’m at a loss on what to do.[/quote]

No, you're not. And you're not a victim. Stop this.

[quote=Anonymous]Every day I worry he’ll lose his job, leave the toddler outside alone again, or any number of things. It’s to the point where if I don’t buy him food and make it for him, he just doesn’t eat or gets takeout/fast food, which he can’t afford (has taken multiple loans out because he’s bad with money).[/quote]

Quit enabling mediocrity. Protect your kid, yes. But the adult is an adult. Make him adult. And if you have shared finances, cut him off. If not, make sure you're not listed as a co-signed on any of these debts he's taking out to subsidize his addiction(s).

[quote=Anonymous]I can’t bring myself to have sex with him anymore. There’s zero attraction on my end. I’m just not attracted to someone who is more like a small child than a partner.[/quote]

Reasonable. Tell him that. It probably won't be enough for him to change, yet, but he needs to hear it. This isn't manly, it's barely boyish. Not sexy.

[quote=Anonymous]He is on his phone a LOT. I e suggested he quit the phone but he says that’s not the problem and won’t.[/quote]

Typical addict shit. Probably porn on there, too. If you pay for the plan, cancel it. He's at home all day. He doesn't need a cell phone because he's not going anywhere. Get him a land line if you're worried about him needing to make emergency calls. And change the wifi password while you're at it. If he wants to act like a child, treat him like one.

[quote=Anonymous]Where do I go from here? I’m worried a divorce will cause him to spiral into a worse depression, pick up his former addictions (alcohol and weed), and it won’t be safe to leave the kids with him. [/quote]

An addict is responsible for their addictions. Period. But this thing you're doing, where you're making excuses because he might "pick up his former addictions", oh honey... He's picked up six new ones: compulsive spending, compulsive shopping, compulsive overeating, stimulant addiction, phone/tech addiction and probably a porn addiction. You're not doing him any favors staying married "for his protection". You're enabling his bullshit.

If he's willing to spiral out into a deep do-nothing depression, he will. It's not your job to save him. Point out the obvious, don't be sucked into the manipulations, and keep yourself and your kids safe. You're responsible for you and your children, not him. Withdraw completely and let him crash, if that's what he's willing to do.

You might be surprised what he'll do when there no more you-as-safety-net to protect him from the consequences of his choices. And, to be clear, these are choices. He has agency. Let him adult.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics