Reply to Feels like partner is struggling with postpartum

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes, men can get upset about babies, even very much wanted babies.

My husband was quite distressed by the colicky early months of our two very much wanted babies.  10+ years after we got married.  We talked about it a few times.  For about two to three months in early baby hood, the babies made him very upset when they were in full shriek mode.

He still was an equal parent and cared for them during their witching hours.  But he was good at intellectually rationalizing that there was no way out but through.

I realize this is very hard for you but I think you are best placed to offer assists to your partner.

Can you get a family helper or someone paid to assist you so that he can take a quiet weekend somewhere restorative? Could be just a trip to his parents' house or a motel near a state forest.  Just somewhere where he can get a couple nights of sleep and quiet and a chance to think?   Or can you take the baby for a weekend to somewhere (road trip with a friend who likes babies), so you get the trip?

Don't make it a stomp-off or walkout.  Just give some space.

Sometimes when people in my family, including me, are feeling deeply sad (when nothing is terribly wrong), I realize that it's sleep deprivation.  Sleep deprivation does very odd things to mood.

This is a fragile time.  But don't underestimate the value of bending a little to avoid a break.

Babies go through phases so quickly.  Please also tell your partner that things will be much different by age 2.  A mature person should be able to stick it out for 2 years at least to see how things are at the end.

If you can schedule recrimination-free "date night" activities while your baby is still young, I would recommend that.  My husband and I did not do enough in the early years to strengthen our 1:1 time.  If I could do it over, I would have invested in finding a babysitter even if it was quite costly.[/quote]

But why should OP coddle a grown man? Does she get to take off a weekend with friends?[/quote]

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