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[quote=Anonymous]After years of holidays and various vacations with in-laws and spouse’s siblings, the cousin group of 9, (ages 18-29) have generally good relationships. At Easter ski rental, I went to make coffee early,  and found one of our nephews rummaging around in the kitchen. He looked surprised to see me, but continued collecting things and walked out to his car with them. I didn’t think much of it at the time.

Later his parents, who organized this rental, were notified that several small appliances were stolen and needed to be paid for. They asked their kids if they knew anything about it, and this nephew said our youngest son took them.

It’s a lie. I saw nephew walk out with them; just thought he must have brought them for the week. My kids think he has a sports gambling problem. It’s clear he needs help and his parents will not admit it.

Now my BIl and SIl, who usually organize the rentals for everyone, want our son to reimburse them for the theft they covered, and apologize. They insist that he must be banned from all family gatherings until this is rectified. They will not discuss any other possibilities.

Needless to say my son is hurt. I don’t think the rest of the extended family believes he is a thief, but it makes family gatherings a mess. In-laws have an 50th anniversary coming up, and the accusing family has already arranged to rent a huge lake house for the celebration. The in-laws don’t deserve the grief of this rift, but they’re older and just want things to be “nice” among all. They don’t want to make waves, and honestly, they didn’t create this problem. They’ve otherwise always been kind and inclusive.

I’m not sure what to do. I’ll stay home with my son and let spouse celebrate his parents if he wants. I don’t want to see these people going forward. I am sympathetic to some problems they will eventually have to deal with, but I 
don’t want my son to be the punching bag in the mean time.

Do I have to show up at family events that spouse attends? (I have no problem if he goes.) It’s only one of the sibling families.

Suggestions?
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