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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I could have written your post when my son was 5 and then again when he was 8.

At 5 I went to family therapist that gave me parenting strategies that basically worked until new issues arose at 8. I only went to about 6 sessions with her.

At 5, basically what I did was part 2 of Magic 1-2-3 which is the charting good behaviors. I would give him a star if the towel went where it was suppose to go and 10 stars earned something like a piece of candy. The problem is that it worked for my son - it might not work for your son. So really a family therapist to work on strategies is the first step. It still works - if I say if you get in the car on time you get ice cream is much more effective than saying if you don't get in the car on time I am taking away ice cream. Exactly the same but different.

When he was 8 I was totally in crisis (my dad was dying and school became impossible). A very wise neurologist talked to me and told me "you are in the thick of it" 8 years old is the thick of it and it will get better. Then he said "do you believe me?" I was like - I don't know. He said work with a therapist and keep working and working until something starts to work. Then do that until it stops working and then go back and figure out what is not working.

So my son at 8 went to a Behavioral Therapist - for anxiety, impulsivity, anger outburts. About 10 meetings later our life was so much easier. It took about 4 months. I hated it because I just had to listen to somebody tell me I was doing it all wrong. He has OCDish issues and I can't give into them. But it's OCD right - he can't control it right? But there are things you can do to help - but you don't know what they are - because you are a mother not a psycologist.

Sometimes dads are on board and sometimes they are not. You have to do what you think is right. Right now whatever is going on  is not right.

It will get better but you can't do this alone. Get help.

Also impulsive kids have problems around December - change of weather, looking forward to the holidays, etc - it is a lot to handle. This time of year is hard. [/quote]

OP here. PP, I'm happy that your situation improved. I honestly don't know if my DS will change. And DH tells me all the time it's my fault and I need to change. But DH's way is simply to tolerate the way DS is. One time in school DS was very rude with me and his music teacher heard him. He was shocked and scolded DS right in front of me, saying that's a terrible way to speak to a mother. Later DS was angry that the music teacher spoke to him that way. He doesn't care if he's rude with me. He doesn't want anybody disciplining him. The star chart and candy idea - we did that. It didn't work for DS who doesn't care all that much for candy believe it or not.

I don't feel appreciated here at my home at all and I do so much. I feel like I'm holding down everything. I am caring for a baby who still does not sleep through the night. I take and pick up DS from school. I help him with homework. I help him with problems at school. I give him massages to fall asleep at night when he can't. I have to make special meals for him because he's a picky eater (sensory issues). And now it's my fault that he is rude and defiant with me. :([/quote]

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