Reply to A question for you "gender traditionalist" women

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm not a SAHM but I've seen plenty of posts from SAHMs on here saying they would love their DHs to pitch in with household help and be more of an "involved parent."

I think you are being very reductionist.[/quote]

How so?  I think you have your head in the sand.  I think these women chose a traditional gender breakdown and now they want to have their cake and eat it too.  All the while snarking away at WOHM's and making judgment calls about their commitment to their children.  What they don't get is that we are sharing the load with husbands who respect the fact that we have careers, too.  And that as wives and mothers it pisses us off when our husbands are treated like pansies for wanting flexibility in their work, too.[/quote]?

Well, I hate to burst the bubble but I'm a SAHM with a very involved DH, who actually RESPECTS me...can you believe it!? Even though I "only" stay home. We treat each other with love and respect and we both value each other. We just decided that instead of paying someone else to watch our kids while they were small I'd do it. He would be a great SAHD, but he makes significantly more money. He is in a higher paying field than I am trained in, but I will return to work once our children are in elementary school.

Why are you holding onto the antiquated idea that all SAHM's believe in some 50's ideal of gender values? Oh I get it...in your worldview you can't possibly put aside a career for a few years, male or female, to take care of children and still be worthy of respect. On DCUM you either put ambition above all else, or you are an anti-feminist.
[/quote]

That's great for you, PP.  I don't think that every SAHM is an antiquated Betty Draper.  But your husband has never had to drop everything to pick up a sick kid from school, no, since that is your role?  Many men I know from dual-income households like mine (including my poor DH) dread having to do that b/c they are made to feel guilty, as if they are letting their employer down.  They are not celebrated for being a great dad.  You have missed my point completely - my DH and I most decidedly DO NOT PUT AMBITION ABOVE ALL ELSE.  We value our careers AND our family.  We don't work 80 hours a week, don't bring work home, and arrange our schedules to be home in time for dinner every night.  It would be nice if employers didn't make you feel like a lesser part of the team for NOT putting ambition above all else.  And the reality is that men who focus 100% on their career because their wife is at home managing the household and taking care of the kids frequently do not get men like my husband and in fact make their life hell at work.  Whether they or their wives realize it or not, they are perpetuating traditional gender stereotypes for all of us.  I don't have to appreciate their efforts.  That's my point.[/quote]

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