Reply to Sometimes I just don't know what to do...

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[quote=Anonymous]DCUM has been very helpful to me this past year. I have in-law problems, DH issues, and an SN child. My SN is eight years old. He is extremely defiant and argumentative. He's very smart too so sometimes I feel stupid because I can't win his arguments or they tire me out.

I don't want to discuss his diagnosis. I just want to know what to do about the day to day struggles which are slowly destroying me as a person.

For example, after his bath he drops his towel on the floor. We have told him hundreds of times to put it back up on the towel bar. We put up signs, posters on the mirror in the bathrooms, and that worked for about two or three weeks. Then he got used to the sign I guess because it started again. So in exasperation I took my ponytail off and wrapped it around the towel. It tightly bound the towel so the towel could not come off the towel ring easily. Seeing it angered him. He said it made him feel criticized and stupid so he yanked both towel and ponytail off and left it on the floor for me to find. I broke down into tears. My tears aren't about the towel anymore. They're about the defiance, the complete inability to obey authority figures, the inability to recognize when he's wrong and why and want to do something about it.

His school had a thanksgiving lunch and he asked me not to come. He only went with his dad. That hurt me so much. Our relationship has deteriorated to that and I can not find a way to repair it. Yet I can not accept the way he is.

I have a baby in the house and he keeps snuggling and touching the baby even though he may have a cold or bronchitis or flu. I tell him hundreds of time but he still keeps doing it. When I put him in time out or withdraw privileges when he disobeys me, he wails and tantrums. The baby is always startled by his screaming and wailing.

He just doesn't want anybody telling him what to do.

Today I told him I was done. I feel so support from DH who doesn't help me enough. He also has a different parenting style. He doesn't intercede much in trying to effect change in DS so I feel the full burden always falls on me to try to make him learn simple manners and courtesies. So I told DH and DS I needed to get away. I am thinking of taking my baby and getting an apartment for just us for a while. I just can't parent my son anymore and I can't take it anymore.

How do you deal with a child like this? Btw, I have no family anywhere near us to help. My parents are aged and mom has cancer. Even getting somebody to watch DS for a few hours is not enough help for me. The thought of returning and having to take him on again is too much to bear. [/quote]

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