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[quote=Anonymous]I hate that I'm even writing this, but we’re at a crossroads with our DS (11th grade) and I’m hoping for some honest advice from parents who’ve been through similar struggles.

Over the past 2.5 years, it’s been clear to us that DS would need significant support to be ready for college, especially in terms of maturity, motivation, and work ethic. We’ve invested heavily in tutoring, school supports, and encouragement, but things haven’t improved the way we hoped. His academic performance has steadily declined, and we’ve seen signs of depression and general disengagement from anything school-related. Despite numerous college visits and conversations, he still doesn’t seem to grasp what it takes to get into and succeed in college.

His recent SAT score was under 1000, but the real issue is that he didn’t prepare at all. He went into it cold, even though we had discussed a plan and offered support to help him study. Spring grades are also slipping, and his 3.1 GPA is at risk.

After the SAT, my husband and I had a hard but necessary conversation with him. We’ve decided to give him one more shot this summer. He’ll be enrolled in a structured, expensive SAT prep program, and our expectations are clear: he needs to put in real effort, at least 2 hours a day of studying, 5 days a week, and complete weekly practice tests after the course ends. If we see meaningful effort and improvement, we’ll continue supporting a 4-year college path. If not, we’ll be redirecting him toward community college.

It’s about readiness. He has a long pattern of minimal effort and telling himself (and us) he’s doing more than he really is. He doesn’t put sustained time into anything, whether it’s academics, sports, or hobbies, unless it’s video games. We’re deeply concerned that he’s not ready for the independence or structure of a 4-year school. We don’t want to fund four years of struggle and failure if he’s not in the right mindset.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What helped your teen turn things around, if they did? [/quote]

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