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[quote=Anonymous]DD is in fourth grade.  She has always been pretty shy, and dislikes being the center of attention, e.g., public speaking.  When forced to (e.g., giving a class presentation), she ends up doing fine, and being fine afterward (not shook up or traumatized), but is never more amenable to doing it again.  Also, she shies away from anything remotely competitive.  I think it’s in part her shyness, and also not wanting to be judged or lose/be embarrassed about losing.

I’m concerned that her shyness/fear of competition is going to hold her back from doing things she enjoys and in life in general.  For instance, she wanted to join the school choir.  (I think she’s okay with choir because she’d be just one in a sea of many faces.)  But when she heard that the choir participates in a competition once a year, she balked and said she didn’t want to join anymore.  She loves to play the violin and lately has been talking about going to the local school of the arts.  She has been putting in longer practices and I was really impressed by her dedication.  When it came up that she would have to do performances if she attended this school, I could see the fear in her eyes, and she’s no longer sure she wants to attend.

DD will really enjoy a certain hobby, but when she reaches a level when competition or public performance comes up, she expresses anxiety and pushes back on doing these.  Not coincidentally, her interest in said hobby dwindles, until she finally says “Mom, I just don’t like [hobby] anymore.”

I’m not trying to have my kid compete or perform publicly for accolades or bragging rights.  It just makes me really sad to see her lose her passion for something because of her aversion to competing/performing.  I’m afraid pushing her to compete/perform might make her hate a given hobby, but having her drop a hobby because she doesn’t want to compete/perform doesn’t seem any better.  It also seems like a bad idea to let her make decisions out of fear.  [/quote]

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