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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't think it is controlling the relationship but rather facilitating a closer relationship in the family.  My parents, siblings, spouses, kids etc are all on one big Whatsapp group.  It is wonderful to be able to share news, greetings, pics etc with everyone.  I  video call regularly with my brothers, mom and one sis-in-law.

My mom (82 years old) - is a very connected person. She is the revered matriarch of my maternal and my paternal side of the family.  She remembers the names, birthdays and anniversaries of everyone, and is a great confidante for everyone.

[b]My advice would be to take the initiative and make a group chat with the ILs including siblings and spouse.[/b] Make everyone the admin.  Don't comment too much but send cute gifs to wish for things like birthdays, anniversaries etc, and occasionally send some picture of innocuous stuff. [/quote]

OP here. We have had a family group chat set up for years. SIL and her husband rarely respond to anything in that chat, and hardly ever message there. On occasion, when I've sent my MIL and FIL something outside of that chat, FIL has instructed me to post it in the family chat. These days, the main people who post in that chat are my husband, MIL, and FIL. I have backed off recently because it feels inauthentic.

I think it is very difficult to build an authentic relationship with someone if both parties are doing it mainly out of a sense of guilt or duty to someone else. My husband is planning to talk to his mother today to step back and allow him to handle his own relationship with his sister.

I appreciate all the anecdotes and advice. [/quote]

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