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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't think it is controlling the relationship but rather facilitating a closer relationship in the family.  My parents, siblings, spouses, kids etc are all on one big Whatsapp group.  It is wonderful to be able to share news, greetings, pics etc with everyone.  I  video call regularly with my brothers, mom and one sis-in-law.

My mom (82 years old) - is a very connected person. She is the revered matriarch of my maternal and my paternal side of the family.  She remembers the names, birthdays and anniversaries of everyone, and is a great confidante for everyone.

My advice would be to take the initiative and make a group chat with the ILs including siblings and spouse. Make everyone the admin.  Don't comment too much but send cute gifs to wish for things like birthdays, anniversaries etc, and occasionally send some picture of innocuous stuff. [/quote]
OP's family is not like your family. SIL and her husband have been distant and kind of rude. While I have several family groupchats, you also need to recognize that some people absolutely hate groupchats and want nothing to do with them. Don't create a groupchat without checking with people first.

OP, I don't know how many elders you have had in your life, but I have seen an almost universal desire in them for their kids to be close, even when there's total estrangement for good reason. I think there are a number of things that contribute and I'm sure it's different for each one. Part of it is a feeling of responsibility, part of it is the contentment they experience when everyone is "together," and who knows what else. I have watched sensitive lovely elders become pretty unreasonable and demanding on this issue.

Can H talk to her and let her know that she needs to let them have their own relationship? Ordinarily I favor being extremely direct with boundaries, but this is a case where it may be better to have three gentle talks instead on one direct one. It might reassure her to say that he loves his sister but they have busy lives and just don't have time for frequent contact. If he doesn't feel that he can talk to her, then you just have to grey rock and divert this particular behavior. [/quote]

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