Reply to Advice for dealing with parent who tries to control relationship between adult children

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't think it is controlling the relationship but rather facilitating a closer relationship in the family.  My parents, siblings, spouses, kids etc are all on one big Whatsapp group.  It is wonderful to be able to share news, greetings, pics etc with everyone.  I  video call regularly with my brothers, mom and one sis-in-law.

My mom (82 years old) - is a very connected person. She is the revered matriarch of my maternal and my paternal side of the family.  She remembers the names, birthdays and anniversaries of everyone, and is a great confidante for everyone.

My advice would be to take the initiative and make a group chat with the ILs including siblings and spouse. Make everyone the admin.  Don't comment too much but send cute gifs to wish for things like birthdays, anniversaries etc, and occasionally send some picture of innocuous stuff. [/quote]

It's obviously not facilitating a closer relationship though. It's creating anxiety and resentment.

Also, it would not be appropriate for OP to create a group chat for her ILs. If her DH wants to do that to try and reduce the pressure, that's his choice.

But having death with this dynamic in my DH's family, OP's DH may have zero interest in that. My ILs often try to force my DH and his brother to be closer, but the truth is that DH doesn't like his brother there much and it's healthier for them to have more distance -- they get along better at family gatherings if it's been longer since they saw each other or talked, because then there is less conflict. DH has no interest in a group chat with his whole family and prefers to interact with them separately. And it's definitely not my job to tell him how to handle it.[/quote]

:roll:  You are not OP.  OP did ask for Advice in the thread title and this advice is not for you.

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