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[quote=Anonymous]OP I am sorry for all you have been through. I did talk to my mom and sometimes it made her anxious and sometimes she assured me she would go to a nice AL and she said all the right things. None of it panned out. She became even more entitled, hostile, scared, anxious, controlling and manipulative and it wasn't dementia. I don't know if she did a bait and switch or when things finally happened she just suddenly decided I must divorce my entire family so I can cater to her. I never allowed her to move in and she made life Heck for us because nothing was enough. It really caused tremendous turmoil and stress.

My advice to others is figure out what you can handle and figure out your boundaries. If the parent is difficult, get used to accepting you can never please this person. You just try to do right by them within reasonable limits and you don't set yourself on fire to keep them warm.

Don't move them in unless they are pleasant and kind. Do not think you can rescue them from their misery if they refuse help. Learn to detach with love the way you do with an alcoholic, except you do everything in your power to make sure they don't harm anyone else and are as safe as you get them within the law. When they still have cognitive capacity, they are allowed to make terrible and self destructive decisions and as long as they only put themselves at risk and not others, you can only do so much if they are stubborn.

My point with all this is, even if you did everything you suggest, you could have easily ended up in the same situation. They often have a change of heart once the time arrives.[/quote]

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