Reply to Brother and SIL's parenting bordering or actual abuse

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[quote=Anonymous]Brother is 40, SIL is 33. Kids are 3 (typical) and 5 almost 6 (mild autism and adhd).

I don't know when to continue saying something, when to cut ties, when to try to contact someone else.

They use spanking but at very high frequency and with a lot of anger. They take away comfort objects (favorite stuffed animal/lovey, favorite blanket) as punishment.

They have no real relationship woth their kids and things are just completely wild over there. Like SIL FaceTimed me the other day and she had to put the phone down three times because the kids are going at each other or acting extremely threatened about everything. SIL said this is what it's always like.

They know I'm against spanking and it's not okay in my house (it's important to me that kids feel safe here). They know I used a lot of trust and relationship/respect to parent my kids. They seem like they don't really care about their children as autonomous people nor that ideally parents should be teaching their kids all sorts of things.

I've tried making a few suggestions but without a relationship with your kids cooperation and listening is a much harder battle.

Thoughts? Seeing what's happening there stresses me but I feel obligated to my niece and nephew in a way that just distancing from them further feels tough. We don't see them a lot. They say they don't go very many places because it's so hard because of their kids behavior.

FWIW my niece with mild autism does fine at school and the authorities have told brother & SIL NOT to spank her as that's really detrimental especially in niece's case.[/quote]

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