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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, [b]just don’t do anything differently from what you do when they’re not there. Don’t host, don’t wait on them, don’t cater to their needs.[/b] And if you’re able, make specific asks for help. “Larlo, could you please carry this laundry basket up to the baby’s room?” “Larla, could you please chop these vegetables for the salad?” Or whatever you need. Your DH has to understand that you are now new parents, and his own parents need to either lend a hand or at least minimize their needs. They are visiting as family, not as guests of honor. I don’t think you yourself need to make any big proclamation to them. Just act how you want to and they will adjust. And if they don’t proactively help, you can ask them and if they still aren’t helpful, then at least you can shed the burden of trying to accommodate them as a priority. It’s nice they are coming, and you are so lucky to have helpful parents nearby. Congrats on the baby!

I hope they pleasantly surprise you. Report back![/quote] I disagree. That seems like a setup to hurt feelings and resentment.  Just have your husband communicate with his parents.  He already told them they can't stay with you and helped them find a place, so that's a good start.[/quote]

This. You just don't do things. Sit and let the chips fall where they may. If they ask for anything, advise them to ask your DH. Warn them when they arrive "I'm not really up for hosting and housework right now, so anything you need, just ask Larlo." You do not need your DH to support you in communicating this! You just open your mouth and say it. And then DO NOT DO THE WORK.

This may result in hurt feelings, passive aggression, and tantrums from them or your DH. But it's 1000% worth it to draw a hard line here. If your DH does not see a need to change from past practice when you are postpartum, he is a moron. And if he had to spend time getting them a hotel, well, sometimes life demands greatness and we must rise to the challenge. [/quote]

Post-partum is the perfect time to drop the rope.  Anytime they need something, tell them to ask their son, as you're busy with the baby or need to rest because your sleep schedule is off due to the baby.  From now on, you have a new tone in your relationship with your in-laws. [/quote]

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