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[quote=Anonymous]I have a good relationship with my ILs and pre kids we regularly hosted them (and also my family) at our home and on trips  with us. In the past when we’ve hosted we’ve given them the VIP guest treatment — letting them stay in our home or home we’ve rented, planning all activities, covering almost all meals, housework, etc. My ILs are well meaning “fun” types that now treat visiting us as a vacation and do not really help out with practical stuff when they are here.

However, we are currently six weeks post partum. ILs have invited themselves over for the second long weekend to see the grand baby (coming up during Mothers Day) and I no longer feel up for this kind of hosting — fine if they want to come, but I want them to stay elsewhere and ideally be helpful to us during the visit vs expecting us to host — I want some VIP treatment! But would also settle with them just being more independent during the visits.

I want to be sensitive to their feelings — my family lives close by so they get to see us more frequently. However, they are also extremely helpful when they come— my mom proactively cooks most meals, helps us with the overnight baby shift, and does all my housework while she is here. My dad runs errands and takes care of our dog.

DH does not see the big deal / any need for us to change from past practice but after some tense conversations, says he is willing to support me in communicating…something to them.

Am I being unreasonable here? What’s the best, kindest way to change  the relationship expectations around how we host going forward, and ideally get them to be more helpful if they’re here while we have young kids? We’ve already told them they can’t stay with us this time but DH also had to spend time helping them find and fund an alternate place to stay.
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