Reply to Help me learn what to think during major tantrums

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a highly emotional, deeply-feeling mom with a highly emotional, deeply-feeling 5-year-old.
 
She has intense tantrums more often than most kids. She still hits me and older sibling when upset (not all the time, but several times a week). Parenting her can be hard because I have to be "on" so much - watching for when she starts getting escalated, quickly de-escalating the emotional climate to avoid a tantrum, teaching and reinforcing emotional regulation skills (while also working really hard to keep myself calm). And also coaching older sibling and playing interference when she sets the little one off with teasing or whatever.

[b]DD doesn't have any diagnoses and does well at school, on playdates, and with grandparents, so I don't think there's anything to fix[/b] - this is just the kid I got, which is not shocking given that my mom and I are both the same way.

I have read a ton, I've been to therapy, but I still struggle when my husband or I are not able to prevent the tantrum and she does hit or scream. My inner voice immediately says "You (or your husband or your kid or your whole family) is bad, messed up, a failure. No matter how hard you try, your kid is hitting and screaming regularly. Normal kids her age do not do this. This is hopeless."

I am wondering what a healthy alternative script would be given that I can't change the reality: the major tantrum is happening, most kids have grown out of this by age 5 but mine hasn't, and my dream of having a happy, calm, positive family is not possible. So what do I tell myself in these situations?[/quote]

It sounds like she's able to hold it together temporarily in other settings but that doesn't mean she wouldn't get a diagnosis.

Suggest you read the book The Explosive Child.[/quote]

OP here. I've read this book. It did make me feel better because at least she's nothing like that ;) But I do use some of the techniques there. I have consulted a therapist and her pediatrician too. [/quote]

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