Reply to Why do we tolerate trash talking and elitism as "boys will be boys" behavior?

Forum Index » Elementary School-Aged Kids

Reply to "Why do we tolerate trash talking and elitism as "boys will be boys" behavior?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Now that my boys are getting older and we are carpooling frequently and spending weekends at various games, I am a bit disturbed by how bad the trash talking culture is with kids this young. 
When the dehumanization of another child is fueled by fierce competitiveness, why do we let it slide? The message our kids take in is that [b]“in order for me to succeed, I need to make that other kid smaller. That’s the only way I’ll get bigger. Better. Be the best.”[/b] If a child is competing against other teams, and even his own teammates, why must he diminish them in order to enlarge himself? The attitude I get from most parents of boys is they want their kid to engage so he's not a target or bullied himself and it's just a right of passage but I wonder why? Shouldn't we as parents be encouraging less toxic behaviors?  [/quote]

I think a big part of the problem is we give kids (boys AND girls) these anemic "be nice, be kind" talks all throughout elementary and middle school. Kindness is defined as something like "pick up a piece of trash on the playground" or "hold open a door for your friend." These things aren't actually hard to do. They barely take any self-sacrifice.

Meanwhile we don't give a competing view of what strength - or even masculinity - looks like. We never tell strong boys "You may be physically stronger than a lot of girls. You have to use your physical strength to serve, to protect, to defend." Or a smart boy "Your brain is a wonder. You have to use it to find ways to help people. Maybe you can invent things, or use your mind to find ways to protect your country/your family/your friends." Or an especially empathetic boy "You really understand other people. You need to use that understanding to encourage and build up others." We need to be casting a vision that's not toxic masculinity, but positive masculinity. That guys can use all of themselves for the purpose of doing good for others in the world.

And there need to be serious consequences. Parents who don't back up schools when the phone call comes that their sons are being jerks help create the problem. Schools that use ineffective discipline methods that put victims and aggressors in the same room to talk it out or some other stupid and harmful consequence help create the problem. Kids who stand by and allow this behavior, because they haven't been taught to defend the weaker (yes, even socially weaker) others are the problem. A society that has a wierd dichotemy between valuing people who are excessively powerful and yet giving people status for victimhood is also the problem. The powerful showcase the takedown behavior all the time and get cheered for it. The victims don't want their victimhood taken away because it's part of their status. So there's no way for someone with perceived power to helpfully stand up for someone else. So that's not shown as a desirable good.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics