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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hormones

Stress/fear about their future, and taking it out on you

Gaining a broader understanding of the world, developing their own opinions and politics, and sometimes rejecting or even being angry at yours. As part of this, sometimes feeling lied to or misled if what they have come to believe about the world does not resemble what you have explicitly told them about the world (i.e. if you have told them "hard work pays off" and they decide at age 17 that this is clearly not true based on what they see around them or in the media, there can be resentment and anger).

The "soiling the nest" idea a PP mentioned -- they are preparing to separate and leave, that's hard, so they essentially pick fights with you to force the transition. It's dysfunctional and means they don't have better skills for expressing their fears about leaving or seeking independence from you. Or you may be clinging too hard to them so they are instigating conflict to push you away.

I do think with most of these, they still love you deep down and will come back around as that separation and independence occurs. BUT this requires you to be mature and understanding, to not take too much of what they say and do personally (literally always true with kids but especially true during stages of increased independence), and be somewhat flexible so they can see you bending and changing to to make space in your life for the adult they are becoming. If you are very rigid about your expectations, and they find they are turning into a person who can't fit within those expectations, this can become permanent or at least be very, very hard to undo once they are adults and have the option of not interacting with you or doing what you tell them to do.[/quote]

100% all of this. Of course it is VERY difficult when you are going through it, but in most cases it is temporary.[/quote]

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