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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My kid, who is also super sarcastic and a bit of a moody loner, is stereotyped by other children as the likely next school shooter. Kids joke about it.  They reported him to the counselors, etc.

He is a bit non-conformist and verbally mean.  Other kids that think they are sweet, and wonderful, and caring have actually been sabotaging little jerks.

He is usually cheerful at home and we have no risk factors.  He hated middle school but high school is much better because there is finally lots of tracking for the brighter and harder working students.

So I'm aware that people feel that my kid is the mean kid but I know for sure that it's not all his personality.

I used to tell people just to leave him alone.  No counseling, no jollying, no calling on, no rearranging seats.  Just let the bear rest in his cage (school) and there will be no verbal paw swipes.

It's been funny to me to see the outcomes of the "nice
kids" who caused my son problems.  They have lost popularity in high school.  And one came to realize he falsely overstated my son's issues and caused him real problems.  That kid expressed guilt.  Good.[/quote]

You really need to get your child evaluated. His profile is not normal, but it doesn't mean he's the next school shooter. You recognize that there could be a millions issues that could be treated between "normal" and "school shooter"?

My guess, just from your description, is that he's autistic and therefore asocial with anxiety. My son has autism, I am well aware of the more classic traits of autism. And no, not every autistic kid becomes a shooter. But you might want to do something to help him before it gets worse. He's not going to network professionally, or get married and have a family, with his current traits. He needs support. There are social skills groups he could try and meds for anxiety (or meds for inattentive ADHD if he also has that), there's cognitive behavioral therapy or ABA if he's younger, to help him gauge what kind of proportional response he should give in social situations... lots of science-based approaches that have proved helpful to such profiles over the years.

[/quote]

PP.  I understand what you are saying and I thank you for your concern.  My family is a bit ND and tends to be very bright. My son takes after other family members who have done better than he has simply by being raised in other social settings.

I think he will be fine.  High school is wonderful compared to 8th grade.  He has found an EC where he is all in.  He is made aware that he has rough edges and people are helping to chip them off.

He is private and does not want to talk about his personal life with strangers.  He does talk to family in depth.  So, I don't think talk therapy is a good option.  I wasn't impressed with the counseling team at his middle school.  They wanted to fix my child with counseling and therapy and I told them to first fix their school to provide the lacking elements:  classroom discipline, academic challenge, tracking beyond math, consistent teacher coverage, and sanctions for malicious reporting.  They backed off pretty fast.  I guess we just have to parent in the rear view a bit: "Here's how you could have handled this better."

The area in which we live is very complacent and at times slightly anti-intellectual.  The walls of the school are painted with platitudes and exhortation such as "Be the Nice Kid!" and "It's Better to Be Nice Than to Be Right".  We are also within 60 miles of some high profile incidents so our schools get extra helpings of cautionary tales.

In the city, 20 minutes away, the high school wall is painted with "The ones who said you couldn't do it are watching."   Environmental context matters.  Our area has good points but it is a little saccharine at times.

It's all getting better.  I posted so people might understand there are varying definitions of mean and it's highly situational.[/quote]

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