Reply to No Meds/No Follow Up for Alzheimer’s

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]While I understand your feelings, as someone who's mom has had a long, slow decline with Alzheimers for over 8 years now, let me advise you to let go of this need you have to somehow fix this problem or do something constructive.  You simply must accept that there is nothing any medications or further assessments or studies or interventions will achieve. It would be a good outcome if my mom were to pass from a heart attack due to high cholesterol and I wish that for her rather than the alternative.

Your focus should be on supporting your FIL in his decision, offering support where he will accept it (send food, flowers, photos, and call and text) and spending whatever good time you can with your MIL. Funnel your need to feel in control by researching memory care options and figuring out a plan for when the crisis occurs, as someone above said.   [/quote]

All of this.[/quote]

+1. The only thing I would add is just to figure out your limits and gently convey them. The emergencies add up and then I had my own emergencies with the family I created and mom was full of rage because her plan was just to have me at her beckon call. Make sure no matter where you live-20 minutes away or 20 hours away they understand you may not be able to make it for an emergency. They can stop seeing you as human and you have to advocate for yourself. You make clear your concerns and what you think is best, but then you have to let go. I helped a lot and fought the good fight for better care, better setting, etc and in the end the sibling who did the least and wore blinders became the beloved and I was scapegoated and had many insults hurled my way. I finally had to step back even more.

I did endure quite the tantrums to get mom to accept an expert checking in our level of independence and keeping a binder on her health to advocate for her at doctor's appointments, hospital stays. Perhaps see if they will allow a geriatric social worker to check in on them. It can be less threatening to have an outsider make sure all is well and help with resources, etc. They are used to being the authority with us, so it's harder to show a vulnerable side.[/quote]

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