Reply to Self-conscious 4th grader making friends

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Reply to "Self-conscious 4th grader making friends - should I let this go?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You seem way too involved in this. You have told your daughter to hang out with these kids at school pick up and she won’t do it. I would just invite kids to your house when you can and don’t get caught up in scorekeeping. There will be so many shifts in friendships over the next 5 years. You have to not get so worried about it. It isn’t your job to “work” to make friends for a 9 year old.[/quote]

Believe me, I don’t want to be this involved.  DD used to hang out with different girls before this group, and it was definitely not work like this.  This girl group and the moms is probably the tightest clique at the school - even DD’s teacher mentioned it to me.

From what I’ve seen, all of the girls have full schedules, especially with spring sports, so it’s really hard to have play dates.  [/quote]

My DD is in 4th grade. The part about everyone having full schedules and doing spring sports is very true. There are a couple of girls in her grade who joined this year. One easily joined the inner circle because she does the same sports as “those” girls. Another is on the fringes because she goes to the after care program and is focused on art.

My DD does not do the same sports as everyone else and that required making peace with missing out on being at the center of one of the main groups of girls in her grade. She is content with 1:1 play dates and outings here and there and sometimes being included and she is not willing to give up what she wants to do just to be part of a specific group.

This group clearly had certain paths to easy acceptance- doing the same activity and having the same SAHM schedule. Instead of fighting that, find others whose schedule is similar or join their spring sport/activities. [/quote]

Thanks for your response.  This group of girls and parents is not typical.  The path to easy acceptance is through the parents.  The kids all do their own sports, but the parents coordinate things like small group tutoring, which DD can't join without being invited, and I think they get together on the weekends, too.  I'm a SAHM so my schedule is flexible.  [/quote]

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