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[quote=Anonymous]We moved about a year ago and DD9 and DS5 are at a new school.  It’s in an UMC neighborhood where a lot of the moms are SAH or work part-time flexible, so younger kids get together a lot for play dates and older kids carpool to activities together.  I’ve had no problem connecting with other families in DS’s class, but DD is another story.  The girls that DD has become friends with are a tight-knit group, both the girls and the moms, and they seem to see each other regularly at various afterschool activities.  Socially at school, DD is doing okay; she feels like she’s at the “outskirts” of the group, which makes her feel awkward, but assures me that the girls are nice and not excluding her.  Outside of school, we’ve had play dates with the three girls in her class (the other eight girls are all in a different class together), and the moms have said “you need to come to our house next time” but… it’s been a couple months now and no invite.  We had DD’s birthday party last weekend where I met all of the other moms, most for the first time, and while they were all nice, I didn’t get these super-friendly vibes from any of them.

I honestly don’t know what more I can do to support DD in her friendships.  I volunteer and go to every school event, so I can mingle with the other girl moms when I can, which has been limited.  I feel like I’ve tapped the well when it comes to play dates, it’s time for the other moms to reciprocate.  At school pick-up, the girls and their moms meet at a certain area.  I have to pick DS up from a certain gate because he’s little, but I’ve told DD that she should go to her friends’ area and we’ll meet her there.  The two areas are in the same yard and within sight of each other.  I’ve explained to DD that even if it’s only a few minutes, this gives the other moms the opportunity to see and get to know her (at the party, I could tell some didn’t know her at all) and me, and how this regular contact could lead to opportunities to hang out, which it did a couple times (e.g., trip to Starbucks afterward).  She said she’ll go there, but 9/10 times, she comes to the kinder gate, dilly dallies, makes excuses like her friends have already left (not always true) etc and ends up not going.  I’ve asked why she won’t go, she says she doesn’t know, but I believe it’s because she feels awkward.

I’ve told DD that it’s completely okay to just hang out with friends at school, which is what I did when I was in elementary school.  She says no, she wants to spend time with these friends outside of school, too.   I told her well then you need to be more proactive like go to the girls pick-up area, but DD really dislikes putting herself out there.  I’ve seen her in situations where everyone is new and she has no problem being confident and outgoing.  But here, she hates having to be the only one who has to put that extra effort in to be friends.

At this point, I’m ready to give up and stop trying.  I think the final straw for me was hearing from DD that all of these girls are going to summer camp at the same place.  The school offers a bunch of different classes, schedules, weeks, so it’s not like I can sign DD up and be sure she would see her friends.  It would’ve been nice if one of the girl moms in her class had let me know.  I’m just sick of trying as much as I have and encouraging DD to be proactive when she won’t.  Time to throw in the towel…?  Anyone have a different perspective? [/quote]

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