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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I did this when my H wasn’t having sex with me.

The upsides:
- I regained self-esteem
- That caused me to start losing weight, dressing better, performing better at work, and getting back into my hobbies/interests.
- I was a better parent
- This all lead H to becoming interested in me again and reignited our sex life.

I did have a lot of resentment after that - how me sacrificing everything for the family made him lose interest, and it was only when I shifted my energy and focus that he saw me as desirable again. Took me a long time to get over that.

The downsides:
- I started fantasizing about leaving H to be with AP, which was unrealistic and I wouldn’t have done, but the fantasy alone scared me
-AP started pushing me heavily to either visit him or let him visit me. Was terrified he would show up at our door.
-  When things got better with H, I ended the sex part of the relationship with AP. I was terrified for awhile he would send evidence to H or blackmail me (he didn’t, but the fear was there).

AP wasn’t crazy or anything, just a much younger single guy who thought he loved me. So I was worried what he would do, especially since I told him the bad things about H.

I can’t honestly say I wish I hadn’t done it. I do think it’s an enormous boost to self-esteem and helps you improve. I never would have lost weight and increased my salary if I was doing it because “maybe” H would want sex with me someday.

Just be smart. Don’t have your face in video. If you have tattoos, mole, or anything identifiable, cover them up. If you can, get a separate phone and phone line and hide them well. [/quote]

NP. I find this fascinating. How much weight did you lose? And did you lose it by eating less or exercising more? And what hobbies and interests did you do again that you didn’t do before? Why do you think you stopped doing them? And what exactly about the AP made you regain self esteem? Someone saying you’re hot? Or that he thought he loved you? I’m in the gained weight and got unhappy situation and curious about your change and whether I could get it without the AP.[/quote]

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