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[quote=Anonymous]Agree with the posters that say let hospice do as much as possible, expect there to be a lot of hard stuff, and look for those opportunities of calm to hang out with your parent. I had one of those nights during my dad’s last week when he rallied and drank wine and told stories about his teenage days. It’s something I know I’m going to hold on to. Lots of the rest of the week was hard though. I left my kids at home with DH to focus on my dad as much as I could at the end and really value that time. If there are ways to get away from other family responsibilities so you aren’t pulled in many directions (eg accepting friends offers of help, or telling a spouse you need them to step up) I’d definitely do so. Of course that’s easier when the hospice period is shorter. My mom lingered for a really long time and that was awful. In that case, know that it’s okay to take breaks and not be there every minute.

From my experience, the hospice people were pretty good at estimating time left. My dad’s wife was in denial and wouldn’t ask/could accept what they/we were telling her and in retrospect wished she had known as she would have spent those last couple of weeks differently.

Also - get fresh air, exercise, etc. If what you really need is a walk of some reflection after a hard day with your parent but feel badly for not spending that time with your kids, LET THAT GO and take care of yourself. It won’t matter to your kids in the long run but it can make a big difference for you and your ability to be there for your parent. Alternately, if what you need is to skip an afternoon visiting parent and cuddle with your kids and feed them your parents favorite flavor of Ben and Jerry’s for dinner, that’s okay too.

And remember, hospice workers support both you and the dying. They’ve seen it all, can answer your questions, and reassure you about what’s coming and/or about your reactions to it. Talk to them. Call the after hours line if you need it, etc. [/quote]

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