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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have one sibling who was the golden child when we were kids and had a tendency, despite being younger, to boss me around. I always wanted us to be close and, as kids, usually spent time with sibling on their terms. Our adult dynamic, over many years, has been sibling connecting with me when they are having a tough time or need something but otherwise being pretty distant. Now we are both parents, and I live close to our parents but sibling moved across the country. My kids are quite a bit older than sibling's kids and were super excited to have first cousins. We have put a lot of effort into the relationship by visiting them a couple times a year (our money is tight for travel) and often sending the kids gifts and personal letters.We generally don't get thanked for gifts, and the visits, though welcome, have very restricted parameters that we comply by and lead to additional expenses. Between visits, we've gently asked to have some contact with the kids -- like a facetime call every month or so, nothing crazy -- my parents see the kids this way often -- and sibling, who hates being directed, will not agree and then be in touch with us even less. I've therefore stopped asking for contact as it's felt awkward and pathetic. I am working on letting go of my expectations and hopes for the cousins to connect and focusing on all the healthier relationships we have.[b] It makes my kids feel sad and rejected, so that's the challenge. [/b]My parents are sympathetic, and deal with sibling being controlling, but understandably want to stay out of this as they don't want sibling to limit their contact with the kids.  [/quote]

This is on you.

Our family has close blood relatives on both sides who are distant and I never mention it to my kids. They never hear me complain, or express my hurt feelings, about their lack of connection or interest in my kids. Not once. We have a small family and they only have 2 cousins who live a plane flight away, but it is what it is. Stop framing it as something your kids are losing and personalizing it for them. You feel sad and rejected and have foisted that onto your kids. They wouldn’t know any better otherwise. [/quote]

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