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[quote=Anonymous]What's my obligation to take care of my aunt who has never taken care of herself? My aunt is 78 and she and her husband are not doing well. She lives in the Boston area, and I'm in DC. I am her only relative. She has no savings, never taken care of her health, lives in complete hoarder filth, etc. She literally has no plans or money. My dad (her brother, my parents were divorced) was the same, and he died young b/c he didn't take care of himself, and I had to clean out his completely disgusting apartment, and I'm still traumatized by it. I’m an only child.

My aunt's husband has been in the hospital for a few months, but thankfully his adult kids are caring for him (aunt and husband married about 10 years ago). Since then, my aunt's health has also gone downhill, mostly in the form of dementia. She is having hallucinations all day. In the past week, she called the police three times b/c "people were in house" or her parents (long deceased) were in her house and she couldn't wake them. When she visits her husband in the hospital, she spends her whole time yelling horrendous racist things at the nurses/aides.

On Saturday, the police took her to the hospital, and she has a UTI that they say is causing all of this but is otherwise "fine." They gave her antibiotics, and sent her home. I'm sure she won't take the antibiotics. Same thing happened about 2 months ago, and she checked herself out of the ER against medical advice, and never followed through with her meds (for UTI or her diabetes meds and blood thinners that she's supposed to be on since a stroke about 12 years ago but rarely takes). She also can barely walk due to the effects of her stroke, but refused any form of physical therapy. And, FWIW, she has been this way her whole life, but it's all just magnified now.

I’m really struggling with feeling guilty here about what I should do b/c I don’t see things getting better. My aunt and I were close when I was a kid and until a few years ago. This sounds terrible, but I don’t want to upend my life (4 kids, work full time, etc.). She never did one thing to take care of herself. And, I’m just now processing in therapy how my aunt was complicit in the emotional abuse, neglect, and downright dangerous situations that I endured as a child and the complex PTSD that it led to as an adult. I’m finally in a healthier place.

That’s all a very long story, but what would would you do/recommend? She won’t accept any outside help, someone to help come clean, etc. My mom lives near her and is on the receiving end of her phone calls about hallucinations all day long. Her husband's kids are also getting drawn into helping her, and they don't want to b/c they don't like her.[/quote]

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