Reply to Holidays at In-Laws vs. Home

Forum Index » Off-Topic

Reply to "Holidays at In-Laws vs. Home"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I have no idea how to bring this up IRL, so thought I'd outsource to collective DCUM wisdom.

MIL has bipolar disorder, as well as some more generalized anxieties. While we've made the several-hour trip to the IL's house in the past year, a few recent visits have been marred--MIL made the trip down here for DC's birthday party for example, and wouldn't/couldn't leave the hotel on the day of the party. She also wouldn't/couldn't come over the next day to see DC because she was embarrassed (which, having had anxiety issues in the past myself, I kind of understand). FIL has come down by himself a few times to see DC, and they have a pretty good relationship. MIL is upset that she's not developing a relationship with DC, but she's also not able to do anything that would foster a relationship. We show DC pictures of her frequently and talk about her, so that hopefully, he knows who she is a little bit, and we send her pictures of him frequently.

Since this year, we're celebrating Thanksgiving at my parents' house (we trade off every year, and were at the IL's house last year), we made an effort to go to the IL's last month. The trip was cancelled at the last minute, because MIL didn't think she could get the house ready in time. Now she's making intimations that we shouldn't bother to come up for Christmas because it'll cause her too much stress.

It's absolutely killing me what this news is doing to my DH. He's never spent a Christmas without his family, and he's incredibly hurt that his mom would tell him not to come. The two of them have been to counseling together in the last year, which introduced a couple of good coping tactics, but he constantly feels like he's disappointing his mom, and nothing he can do will make her proud of him. He understands that this is a byproduct of her illness, but it's hurtful nonetheless. DH bends over backwards to accommodate his mom when she comes to visit, and I really wish that she could appreciate the help he gives her and the opportunity to get to know her grandchild.

I've suggested that we go to DH's hometown for Christmas but stay in a hotel to alleviate stress on his mom, but he's worried that just setting up for the holidays will be hard for her.

My family is Jewish, so spending Christmas with my family is a non-issue; I've also only ever spent Christmas with DH's family. :) I'm actually more than happy to start our own family traditions at our home with our DC, but I know that that might be a little bit disappointing for DH. I'm planning to take the usual time off from work to anticipate travel time (I'd really like to make the trip work!) but would also like to figure out how to make alternative plans in case we do need to stay at home.

Any tips or advice for what I should do? How can I bring this up to my family without starting an argument or lending to feelings of disappointment? I actually have a good relationship with MIL, but this isn't necessarily the kind of thing I'd call her to talk about. Thanks in advance for any help![/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics