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[quote=Anonymous]I have always been adamant with my husband that this relationship is 50/50. We are equally responsible for taking care of each other, the house, the dogs, the future kids, etc. He always agrees. I work out an equitable division of labor, he agrees to it, then does maaaybe 25% of what he is supposed to and only when he feels like it.

This really came to a head when we bought our house and there was suddenly a lot more to do. Back in our crappy apartment, there was no yard, no maintenance, and to be honest, I just didn't care as much if the place was a mess. (Though I still did my part.) Now that we own a place, it's pretty, and it needs and deserves work put into it, I need him to start living up to his word.

My anger kind of waxes and wanes (usually in relation to his listening to me and acknowledging my feelings--natch). But we never get to a point where he will just do his freaking part without my constantly nagging him. I have tried to-do lists, calendars, email/notes instead of speaking directly, in hopes of finding a non-nagging solution, but no go. I always try to compliment him when he does something, but that doesn't get me anywhere either.

I have seen suggestions here about refusing to do any of his work, and making him deal with the fallout, but that will never work because he does not care if we live in a sty. I will eventually need clean dishes. And it is just too crummy to walk around feeling disgusted by my house.

(I should point out, though you might not believe me, that my cleanliness standards are seriously low. All I ask is that things are put where they belong and that messes are cleaned up. I never vacuum or clean a bathroom on a schedule, only when it gets gross, and I have no idea when I last cleaned windows. Or even when I changed the sheets. I should be easy to please.)

So, what do I do here? I am sick of being told he is "working on it." He doesn't want to go to counseling. I feel like an idiot because THIS is my big problem in life. And it will only get 10X worse with kids around, right? Or will I be able to say "Eff you, you're watching the kids for the next five hours while I clean and then take a nap."

I know some folks will call me a bitch and a whiner. It's true, so go for it. Then tell me what genius idea I am missing.[/quote]

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