Reply to If you left a decent career to sahm… do you miss the intellectual stimulation?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I get plenty of intellectual stimulation through reading, talking to interesting friends, etc. What I sometimes miss is the recognition of my intelligence and the external validation that often comes with a stimulating job.

I’m just as smart, driven, well-read and quick-thinking as I was when I was working, but I feel like it exists in a void because of how people perceive someone who is “just a mom” or wonder if I miss “intellectual stimulation.”

So do I miss it?

No, all I miss is being treated like an equal. There are definitely people who look down on you regardless of your education, career or how you spend your days. It stings to be shut out of conversations or ignored at parties and events because people make snap judgements about my ability to contribute to a conversation.

On the bright side, I have really interesting SAHP friends who I have met along the way who I never would have met while at my former job. I appreciate that I’ve had the opportunity to broaden my horizons through this phase of my life. Notably, in spite of my attempts to chase the companionship of smart, interesting people for the past 2 decades through things like elite schools and fancy jobs and elaborate extracurriculars, the most brilliant woman I’ve befriended as a SAHM has a 2-year associates degree and does bookkeeping during tax season as her entire career, and we met at the hospital after our babies were born. Knowing people like her erased my naive idea that career type=smartness.

My youngest is 10 now and I’ll also say that it gets better to be in the company of her and her friends. Going from the insanity of a conversation with a 3 year old to being able to talk about books and music with an 8, 9 or 10 year old is a huge improvement and much more stimulating than the tiny kids.

Parenting has a way of making you look differently at achievement culture and how you fit into it, especially once your kids are in elementary and you realize how little control you have. You might need achievement to be happy, or you might go through some discomfort but find a different way of defining your life once you come out on the other side of this choice. Good luck.[/quote]

NP- Really thoughtful. Thanks for this. [/quote]

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